Saturday, February 11, 2012

Take a second for a second

Have you ever had a time stop moment?  I have noticed that I have them for a few different reasons.  Sometimes it is panic over nothing at all, I just go into a panic over what-ifs.  Sometimes it is something good, like my one of my sons just smile at me.  But more recently it is over an actual horrible event.

I am writing this about 2 hours after my 3 month old son, Daniel, had a mild seizure.  It only lasted 10-15 seconds, but I will tell you it seemed like 5 hours.  And the waiting around for his doctor to call me back just seemed like 7 years!  When I was talking to the doctor, I realized how bad time stopped.  I started over emphasizing everything that happened.  My husband had to keep checking me and saying, no that was only a few seconds, and no, that was only like this.  I have to remember to stop and take every second as it is...just a second.

I also seem to have this every time Daniel has a breathing episode.  Time just stops.  I have started to actually write down everything to the second on what is happening.  I need to or else I would never really know what is going on!

Time stopped when they told me Daniel had RDS.  And that one lasted for a while.  I was in shock.  I just sat there...I couldn't move, I couldn't speak.  When the doctor told me he was sorry and if I had any questions, I didn't even realize he was still talking.

Time stopped when Luke was in the hospital at 7 months old after falling off a bed onto a cement floor and they told me that he probably has severe brain damage from the fall and they needed to do a CAT scan stat.  Time stopped again while he was in the CAT scan and it looked like he was in a coffin.  Time stopped again when they gave us the WONDERFUL news that it was just a severe concussion (obviously wonderful from what they said it probably was) and a broken leg.

Time stopped when my husband called me and told me that he was just in a fatality accident where 5 people died.  Time stopped again when I got the wonderful news that my husband, thank God, checked out perfectly fine.

Time stopped when my mother called me and told me my grandfather has passed on.

But time also stops when Lucas and Daniel laugh, or Lucas gives Daniel a kiss.  Those first steps!  The time they rolled over for the first time.  And when they were born!!!  Oh goodness!  I remember right after Lucas was born and looking out the window and wondering how the heck people could be still driving around like nothing miraculous just happened.  Oh all the wonderful memories that I also have with my wonderful children.

So, I guess what I am learning through all this is take time for face value.  A second is just that, a second.  A second can go by so fast.  I mean, heck, I just spent about 5 minutes typing this up.  That is 300 seconds.  Cherish the great and try to take the bad seconds as they come.  Life keeps going, nothing stops for your bad, or even in that matter, your good second.

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